Highlights:
- Virginia courts focus on the child’s best interests, not simply balancing parenting responsibilities.
- Judges can encourage more time for the non-custodial parent, but rarely force unwilling parenting.
- Filing for joint custody may open discussions about a more balanced time, but cooperation matters.
- If one parent is unwilling, courts may offer other forms of support but can’t mandate emotional involvement.
Parenting is not just a right; it is a responsibility. But what if one parent isn’t doing their share, and the other is swamped with work, school pickups and weekend exhaustion?
If you are the custodial parent in Virginia and your child’s other parent is simply the “weekend parent” or disinterested in seeing your child except on weekends at best, you may be wondering whether the child’s other parent can be made by the Court to have even more time. Does filing for joint custody change the equation? Can a judge force involvement? The answer isn’t simple, but there are ways the legal system can support you and hold the other parent accountable.
What Does “Joint Custody” Really Mean In Virginia?
In Virginia, “joint custody” doesn’t automatically mean 50/50 parenting time. Instead, the law recognizes two distinct forms:
Joint Legal Custody
This means both parents share decision-making authority over major life choices, like education, medical care, and religion. It doesn’t dictate where the child lives or how time is divided.
Joint Physical Custody
Parenting time simply refers to how much time each parent spends with their child. This could mean equal time, or it might just mean more frequent overnight visits than what’s usually given in a standard visitation schedule. The court’s main focus is always what’s best for the child, not just splitting time evenly.
If you file for joint custody, you might hope it forces your co-parent to spend more time with your child. In reality, what you’re really asking the court to do is revisit and adjust the physical custody schedule. The goal isn’t about attaching the label “joint custody,” but about changing how the time is shared.
Can A Parent Be Ordered To Take More Time Than They Want?
You might hope the court will require your child’s other parent to spend more time with them, but Virginia judges are cautious about this. While courts can encourage a more balanced schedule, they rarely force a parent to take on time they clearly don’t want.
Here’s why:
- The law can’t mandate emotional involvement. A judge can set a schedule, but they can’t make a parent be attentive, consistent, or truly engaged with their child.
- Forced time can backfire. If a parent is unwilling or uninterested, pushing for more time may lead to neglect, resentment, or even safety concerns.
- Judges focus on stability. The court looks at whether extra time would genuinely help the child, not just ease one parent’s responsibilities.
- Reluctance raises red flags. If a parent resists more time, it may point to deeper issues with capacity, stability, or commitment, factors judges weigh carefully in custody decisions.
You can’t control another parent’s commitment. But you can seek legal tools that adjust the situation when their absence becomes unsustainable.
What Happens When One Parent Needs More Help?
For many custodial parents, the issue isn’t just legal; it’s deeply personal. You’re doing the day-to-day work: school drop-offs, doctor visits, emotional regulation, meals, and everything in between. It’s natural to reach a point where you need more than weekend help; you need real support.
So what happens when your co-parent isn’t stepping up?
Virginia courts recognize when one parent is carrying an outsized share of the parenting burden, but they won’t punish the other parent into being involved. Instead, they may respond by:
- Reevaluating child support to reflect the actual parenting time imbalance.
- Recommending parenting coordination or counseling to improve cooperation.
- Encouraging the reluctant parent to build a stronger, more consistent relationship when it’s safe and in the child’s best interest.
- Considering modifications if the current plan no longer serves the child’s developmental needs.
Support doesn’t always look like time; it may come in the form of adjusted obligations or court-ordered resources. If you need more help, it’s okay to ask the court for it, but be prepared to define what kind of help you’re asking for.
Filing For Joint Custody: What It Can & Can’t Do
Filing for joint custody often feels like a logical step when you’re overextended and want the other parent to be more involved. But it’s important to understand what joint custody can actually change and what it can’t force.
Here’s a breakdown:
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What Joint Custody Might Do
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What It Doesn’t Guarantee
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Reopen the parenting schedule for review
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Force the other parent to take more time against their will
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Lead to a more equal share of responsibilities
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Automatically grant 50/50 physical custody
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Show the court you want balanced involvement
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Override work schedules, logistics, or emotional readiness
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Encourage consistency and legal structure
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Fix deeper co-parenting issues or improve parenting quality
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Joint custody can be a starting point for change, but it’s not a quick fix. If your goal is more support, clarity, and fairness, filing may open the door—but the outcome still depends on your co-parent’s capacity and the child’s best interests.
How Virginia Courts Decide Parenting Time
It’s natural to want more help and to expect the other parent to do their part. But in Virginia, courts don’t make parenting decisions based on fairness to parents. They focus solely on what serves the child’s best interests.
Here’s how that difference plays out:
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What You Want
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What the Court Considers
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More time and help from the other parent
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Will that time provide emotional and physical stability?
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Equal parenting responsibilities
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Has the other parent shown consistency and involvement?
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Relief from doing everything alone
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Can the other parent realistically meet additional demands?
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Predictability for your child
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Does the schedule support school, health, and daily needs?
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Judges aren’t blind to your effort; they understand exhaustion. But every custody decision has to circle back to one central question: Does this benefit the child? If the answer is yes, and you present a clear plan, the court may act. If not, they’ll look for other ways to support your family.
What If The Non-Custodial Parent Refuses More Time?
The hardest part of co-parenting is realizing you can’t make someone show up who doesn’t want to. Virginia courts cannot force a parent to parent; they can only enforce agreements and adjust obligations when a parent consistently falls short.
If the non-custodial parent refuses to take on more time, the court may:
- Document the refusal as part of the case record, which can affect future custody reviews.
- Adjust child support based on the disproportionate division of parenting time.
- Reinforce stability for the child by prioritizing the more consistent parents’ involvement.
Judges won’t punish someone into being a better parent, but they will recognize when one parent is doing all the work, and they’ll make legal adjustments to reflect that.
Legal Tools To Explore If You’re Overwhelmed
If you’ve been carrying more than your share and your co-parent isn’t willing to do more, you don’t have to stay stuck. Virginia law offers options beyond forcing parenting time, tools that can help rebalance responsibility and protect your well-being without putting your child in the middle.
Parenting Coordination Can Ease Day-To-Day Conflict
A parenting coordinator is a neutral third party who helps both parents work through routine disagreements without returning to court. If communication is strained or scheduling is a frequent battleground, this option can create structure and reduce stress.
Custody Reassessment May Better Reflect Today’s Reality
If the parenting plan you have no longer matches the one you live by, the court can reassess and formally update your custody order. This may result in more legal support for you and a schedule that reflects who’s truly involved.
Support Modifications Can Offset Unequal Time
When one parent shoulders most of the time and costs, it’s only fair for financial support to reflect that. You can request an updated child support order that accounts for the actual time split, not just what’s written on paper.
A Guardian Ad Litem Can Represent Your Child’s Best Interests
In high-conflict or unclear cases, the court may appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) to independently evaluate what’s best for your child. This person doesn’t represent either parent, but their findings can influence how custody and time-sharing are structured moving forward.
These legal tools can’t force someone to parent, but they can protect you and your child from the consequences when one parent chooses not to.
Let The Court Help Carry The Load
Parenting alone, when it was meant to be shared, is exhausting. If you’ve asked, reminded, and rearranged your life hoping your co-parent would do more, it may be time to ask the court instead.
Schedule a confidential case evaluation with The Irving Law Firm – Fairfax Divorce Lawyers today. We’ll help you explore whether joint custody, support adjustments, or a custody modification can bring the relief and balance your family deserves.
John Irving is the CEO and Managing Partner of Fairfax Divorce Lawyers. His career began in public service as a fraud investigator for the City of New York, where he managed thousands of welfare and housing fraud cases. He later served with the Prince William County Police Department, earning multiple commendations for his investigative skill and dedication. Today, John oversees the strategic direction of Fairfax Divorce Lawyers while continuing his legal practice. His goal is not just winning cases, but doing so in a way that upholds dignity, fairness, and long-term impact.
